Remnants of Shyness

People who have only recently met me might find it hard to believe that I was, at one time, a painfully shy girl. I hated having to talk to strangers; I would blush uncontrollably and I felt like I never had anything "good" to say. I would avoid situations in which I would have to speak to someone who wasn't in my immediate family or one of my close friends. There was one bizarre exception to my shyness, and that was that I loved being in plays, recitals, speech contests, etc. I had no problem being on stage or speaking in public. I know that sounds strange, but I think that it's always been easier for me to step out of my skin and be a character than to just be myself. When you're acting, or even just giving a speech, your words are given to you, your character is defined, and you can hide behind the persona that you are portraying. I had no fear when I was on stage. It was everyday life and having to just be Maribeth that scared that the heck out of me.

The only thing that really helped chip away at my shyness was working in a restaurant. When I was 16, I got a job as a hostess at a popular Mexican restaurant and in a strange way it was a merger between being on stage and having to be myself. When I was working, I became the "hostess with mostest" (feel free to laugh). I could talk to the servers, most of whom were older, and therefore cooler, than myself. I could talk to the guests, be helpful, funny, compassionate, even flirtatious. Slowly, the "character" fell away and I could be all of those things while just being myself. I realized that I AM all of those things.

I still experience remnants of my shyness at times. I'll have a quick flash of dread at the thought of having to ask a salesperson where something is, or having to order a pizza on the phone. I deal with these remnants by routinely putting myself in situations that would've made me horribly uncomfortable in the past. One of the big steps I took just this past year, was joining a yoga class all by myself. I didn't make a friend join with me so that I would have someone to talk to. I knew I would be in a room full of strangers trying not to make an ass of myself. It was a little daunting, but you know what? It has become something that I look forward to every week. It would have been such a shame to miss out on the camaraderie of the other students and the joys of practicing yoga just because it would have made me a little nervous at first.

There is a cheesy movie called "The Wedding Date" that is frequently on TV and I can't help but watch it. In one of the scenes, the lead female character is freaking out over what to wear in a uncomfortable situation, and the lead male character lets her in on a little secret. He tells her "if you look people in the eye, they don't notice what you're wearing." While this may not be completely true, I've tried to embrace this concept as one of my New Year's resolutions. I realized recently that despite how far I've come in my battle against shyness, I still don't maintain eye contact with people as much as I should. Now, I am making a conscious effort to look someone in the eye while I'm having a conversation with them or even just while saying "Good morning" in passing. I have noticed a definite difference in the way that strangers react to me when I display the confidence that is suggested by maintaining eye contact with someone while you're speaking with them. I find myself having a more "human" experience with everyone; more smiles, more laughter, and a greater sense of connectivity as people on this planet. It has been a blessing. So, I guess the lesson here is, thank goodness for Mexican restaurants, yoga, and cheesy movies.