Not too long ago I was watching a program on TLC about a woman who had a rare disease that caused her legs to grow to an enormous size. She struggled to walk around, drive, or really do anything at all. Because she was so fiercely independent though, she insisted on doing all of these things and living alone. She would not allow doctors to amputate her legs because then she would have to rely on others for assistance. And the most inspiring thing of all was her attitude. She was so positive! She recognized that she had obstacles to overcome, but she wasn't going to let it get her down, or keep her from doing the things she wanted to do.
I turned off the program and sat on my bed for a moment, awestruck. I have been complaining about my body since I was a teenager, and not for one minute have I stopped to think about how unbelievably blessed I am to have a healthy, fully functioning body to get around in and to do the things that I love to do. Right then and there I decided I was going to stop complaining about my body and start cherishing it.
This has been a very liberating revelation. I used to think about my weight all the time, and think that if I could just lose 10 pounds or so, I would be a lot happier. I would look in the mirror and pick myself apart for everthing that I thought was wrong with my figure. Well, no more. Now when I feel like criticizing my body, I think about all of the things that it allows me to do. And I thank the universe for my health. Then I might do a little dance just to drive the message home to my stubborn head.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and take care of your body. That has become my focus. I don't want to waste any more time thinking about what my body isn't. From now on I'm going to focus on what it is and how lucky I am to have it.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Remnants of Shyness
People who have only recently met me might find it hard to believe that I was, at one time, a painfully shy girl. I hated having to talk to strangers; I would blush uncontrollably and I felt like I never had anything "good" to say. I would avoid situations in which I would have to speak to someone who wasn't in my immediate family or one of my close friends. There was one bizarre exception to my shyness, and that was that I loved being in plays, recitals, speech contests, etc. I had no problem being on stage or speaking in public. I know that sounds strange, but I think that it's always been easier for me to step out of my skin and be a character than to just be myself. When you're acting, or even just giving a speech, your words are given to you, your character is defined, and you can hide behind the persona that you are portraying. I had no fear when I was on stage. It was everyday life and having to just be Maribeth that scared that the heck out of me.
The only thing that really helped chip away at my shyness was working in a restaurant. When I was 16, I got a job as a hostess at a popular Mexican restaurant and in a strange way it was a merger between being on stage and having to be myself. When I was working, I became the "hostess with mostest" (feel free to laugh). I could talk to the servers, most of whom were older, and therefore cooler, than myself. I could talk to the guests, be helpful, funny, compassionate, even flirtatious. Slowly, the "character" fell away and I could be all of those things while just being myself. I realized that I AM all of those things.
I still experience remnants of my shyness at times. I'll have a quick flash of dread at the thought of having to ask a salesperson where something is, or having to order a pizza on the phone. I deal with these remnants by routinely putting myself in situations that would've made me horribly uncomfortable in the past. One of the big steps I took just this past year, was joining a yoga class all by myself. I didn't make a friend join with me so that I would have someone to talk to. I knew I would be in a room full of strangers trying not to make an ass of myself. It was a little daunting, but you know what? It has become something that I look forward to every week. It would have been such a shame to miss out on the camaraderie of the other students and the joys of practicing yoga just because it would have made me a little nervous at first.
There is a cheesy movie called "The Wedding Date" that is frequently on TV and I can't help but watch it. In one of the scenes, the lead female character is freaking out over what to wear in a uncomfortable situation, and the lead male character lets her in on a little secret. He tells her "if you look people in the eye, they don't notice what you're wearing." While this may not be completely true, I've tried to embrace this concept as one of my New Year's resolutions. I realized recently that despite how far I've come in my battle against shyness, I still don't maintain eye contact with people as much as I should. Now, I am making a conscious effort to look someone in the eye while I'm having a conversation with them or even just while saying "Good morning" in passing. I have noticed a definite difference in the way that strangers react to me when I display the confidence that is suggested by maintaining eye contact with someone while you're speaking with them. I find myself having a more "human" experience with everyone; more smiles, more laughter, and a greater sense of connectivity as people on this planet. It has been a blessing. So, I guess the lesson here is, thank goodness for Mexican restaurants, yoga, and cheesy movies.
The only thing that really helped chip away at my shyness was working in a restaurant. When I was 16, I got a job as a hostess at a popular Mexican restaurant and in a strange way it was a merger between being on stage and having to be myself. When I was working, I became the "hostess with mostest" (feel free to laugh). I could talk to the servers, most of whom were older, and therefore cooler, than myself. I could talk to the guests, be helpful, funny, compassionate, even flirtatious. Slowly, the "character" fell away and I could be all of those things while just being myself. I realized that I AM all of those things.
I still experience remnants of my shyness at times. I'll have a quick flash of dread at the thought of having to ask a salesperson where something is, or having to order a pizza on the phone. I deal with these remnants by routinely putting myself in situations that would've made me horribly uncomfortable in the past. One of the big steps I took just this past year, was joining a yoga class all by myself. I didn't make a friend join with me so that I would have someone to talk to. I knew I would be in a room full of strangers trying not to make an ass of myself. It was a little daunting, but you know what? It has become something that I look forward to every week. It would have been such a shame to miss out on the camaraderie of the other students and the joys of practicing yoga just because it would have made me a little nervous at first.
There is a cheesy movie called "The Wedding Date" that is frequently on TV and I can't help but watch it. In one of the scenes, the lead female character is freaking out over what to wear in a uncomfortable situation, and the lead male character lets her in on a little secret. He tells her "if you look people in the eye, they don't notice what you're wearing." While this may not be completely true, I've tried to embrace this concept as one of my New Year's resolutions. I realized recently that despite how far I've come in my battle against shyness, I still don't maintain eye contact with people as much as I should. Now, I am making a conscious effort to look someone in the eye while I'm having a conversation with them or even just while saying "Good morning" in passing. I have noticed a definite difference in the way that strangers react to me when I display the confidence that is suggested by maintaining eye contact with someone while you're speaking with them. I find myself having a more "human" experience with everyone; more smiles, more laughter, and a greater sense of connectivity as people on this planet. It has been a blessing. So, I guess the lesson here is, thank goodness for Mexican restaurants, yoga, and cheesy movies.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Scents of Self
I am someone who love, love, loves perfume. It's not just the scents, it's the people and places that they bring to mind. My grandmother is sweet and classic: L'Air du Temps. I can always smell it on her neck when she hugs me. When I was very young, my father took us to church on Sunday mornings, and I used to squeeze in next to him for warmth. His blazer would smell like Chaps, and for a very long time I thought that was just how dad's nice clothes smelled. My mother loves Arpege, but I don't have any memories of her smelling quite so fancy. Instead, I remember the spicy smell of Bay Rum hanging in the air of my bedroom after she had kissed me goodbye in the morning.
I love perfume bottles; some are delicate and classic, some are funky, some are sophisticated. I love how they look sitting on a vanity or a dresser or a bathroom counter. When I was young pefume seemed to be one of those delights of womanhood, like high heels and makeup. I couldn't wait to be a part of such a glamorous world. And I haven't really changed. I still love to dress up and I love to put on a scent that makes me feel, well, however I want to feel that day.
I own 5 different kinds of perfume, not to mention several bottles of body mist and perfumed lotions. Depending on my mood, I might wear a different scent each day of the week. Or I might be loyal to one fragrance for an entire season. In the spring and summer I love the cotton candy smell of Falling in Love by Philosophy or the fruity punch of Love Spell. If it's a special night I go for the citrusy deliciousness of Gucci Envy Me. In the fall I can't wait to exchange the sweet and light for the rich and musky: Euphoria or Angel. These pair nicely with a sweater and boots. Today I'm wearing Heaven, a Gap scent. I first discovered this subtle, slightly musky smell in junior high thanks to my friend Abby. It was a few years before I bought my own bottle and, although I like it fine, I only wear it occasionally. It's what I wear when I'm dressed down and laid back. It's good for hoodies and tennis shoes.
My husband calls all of my bottles of perfume my "foo foo juice." Still, I catch him sniffing my hair quite often and smiling. My mother calls me a girlie girl and still isn't sure how the daughter of someone who only occasionally wears Love's Lemon Fresh (the Bay Rum ran out years ago) could have such an infatuation with perfume. I think that what it really comes down to is that any scent can become part of a memory. Catching a whiff of a certain smell, be it perfume or cologne or even fabric softener can be enough to transport you to another time and place. I bet I could name a scent for almost every major event in my life. For me, that makes perfume magical.
I love perfume bottles; some are delicate and classic, some are funky, some are sophisticated. I love how they look sitting on a vanity or a dresser or a bathroom counter. When I was young pefume seemed to be one of those delights of womanhood, like high heels and makeup. I couldn't wait to be a part of such a glamorous world. And I haven't really changed. I still love to dress up and I love to put on a scent that makes me feel, well, however I want to feel that day.
I own 5 different kinds of perfume, not to mention several bottles of body mist and perfumed lotions. Depending on my mood, I might wear a different scent each day of the week. Or I might be loyal to one fragrance for an entire season. In the spring and summer I love the cotton candy smell of Falling in Love by Philosophy or the fruity punch of Love Spell. If it's a special night I go for the citrusy deliciousness of Gucci Envy Me. In the fall I can't wait to exchange the sweet and light for the rich and musky: Euphoria or Angel. These pair nicely with a sweater and boots. Today I'm wearing Heaven, a Gap scent. I first discovered this subtle, slightly musky smell in junior high thanks to my friend Abby. It was a few years before I bought my own bottle and, although I like it fine, I only wear it occasionally. It's what I wear when I'm dressed down and laid back. It's good for hoodies and tennis shoes.
My husband calls all of my bottles of perfume my "foo foo juice." Still, I catch him sniffing my hair quite often and smiling. My mother calls me a girlie girl and still isn't sure how the daughter of someone who only occasionally wears Love's Lemon Fresh (the Bay Rum ran out years ago) could have such an infatuation with perfume. I think that what it really comes down to is that any scent can become part of a memory. Catching a whiff of a certain smell, be it perfume or cologne or even fabric softener can be enough to transport you to another time and place. I bet I could name a scent for almost every major event in my life. For me, that makes perfume magical.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Grandpa
The people closest to me know why I chose to name my blog Singin' in the Rain but I thought I would share the reason with anyone else who is reading this. For one, it is my favorite movie. I think I was about 7 or 8 the first time I watched it, and I truly believed that one day I was going to dance with Gene Kelly.
The reason Singin' in the Rain is my favorite movie is because my Grandpa showed it to me along with countless other musicals and old mystery movies and just plain old movies. You see, for about 8 years my Grandpa would come over on the weekends to stay with my older brother and I when my parents were at work. There were a lot of boys in our neighborhood for my brother to play with but he didn't want his baby sister tagging along so I spent many a Saturday and Sunday hanging out with Grandpa. Grandpa wasn't exactly sure how to entertain a 7 year old girl, so he taught me about the things that he found entertaining: movies and gin rummy. We would play gin rummy for hours and hours and when we weren't doing that we were watching a movie. He would tell me all about the actors and actresses in each film and if they were in any other film that he enjoyed, well that was the one he would bring over the following week. With my Grandpa I discovered my love of cinema and theater. And I'm pretty good at gin rummy too.
My Grandpa died almost a year ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Sometimes these thoughts make me smile and sometimes they make me a cry a little, but I think that's just part of the process. I was very lucky in that, in the last weeks of his life, I was able to spend a lot of time with him and tell him how much he meant to me. He died in my parent's home surrounded by his children and grandchildren and it was a beautiful experience.
I now have several things that belonged to Grandpa in my house including the VHS tape of Singin' in the Rain that he showed me so many years ago. Whenever I see it I smile and say to myself "Love you, Grandpa."
The reason Singin' in the Rain is my favorite movie is because my Grandpa showed it to me along with countless other musicals and old mystery movies and just plain old movies. You see, for about 8 years my Grandpa would come over on the weekends to stay with my older brother and I when my parents were at work. There were a lot of boys in our neighborhood for my brother to play with but he didn't want his baby sister tagging along so I spent many a Saturday and Sunday hanging out with Grandpa. Grandpa wasn't exactly sure how to entertain a 7 year old girl, so he taught me about the things that he found entertaining: movies and gin rummy. We would play gin rummy for hours and hours and when we weren't doing that we were watching a movie. He would tell me all about the actors and actresses in each film and if they were in any other film that he enjoyed, well that was the one he would bring over the following week. With my Grandpa I discovered my love of cinema and theater. And I'm pretty good at gin rummy too.
My Grandpa died almost a year ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Sometimes these thoughts make me smile and sometimes they make me a cry a little, but I think that's just part of the process. I was very lucky in that, in the last weeks of his life, I was able to spend a lot of time with him and tell him how much he meant to me. He died in my parent's home surrounded by his children and grandchildren and it was a beautiful experience.
I now have several things that belonged to Grandpa in my house including the VHS tape of Singin' in the Rain that he showed me so many years ago. Whenever I see it I smile and say to myself "Love you, Grandpa."
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Meet Rufus
Ah, I love Saturdays! Really I love any day that I don't have to wake up with an alarm clock. This morning I woke up to slobbery kisses on my nose from a very cute young man. No, not the hubs. It was Rufus, the newest addition to our family (see picture). We got Rufus in April from the family across the street. They were trying to find a good home for him and he was campaigning to come live with us by crossing the street and sitting at my feet whenever I got home from work. I would get out of my car and he would trot over to me, tail wagging, and sit and look up at me expectantly, almost as if to say "when are you going let me come in?" We fell in love with Rufus the first time we saw him, but didn't know how our other dog, Lexi, who was accustomed to being an only child and queen of the castle, would react to a new addition. As it turns out, Lexi loves having a playmate (except when he wakes her in the morning, she is NOT a morning dog, see picture #2). Both Lexi and Rufus have such personality and they are so much fun that I really can't imagine not having them. They are an endless source of entertainment for us and there's nothing like coming home to their two happy faces, tails wagging as fast as possible. They can brighten even the crummiest day. And now they want their mama to stop typing and take them for a walk!
Friday, November 14, 2008
This is Fun!
I can't believe it has taken me so long to create a blog! I find writing to be very therapeutic and I kept journals for years. However thanks to 8 years of writing research papers and 2 years working in an office, I can actually type faster than I can write these days. So here I am. Technology is pretty cool, huh? And speaking of technology, I had a revelation the other day. Being 24 years old, I have grown up in the "information age." I have vague memories of consulting encyclopedias and library books to answer my questions, but nowadays I rely heavily on search engines such as Google, Wikipedia, and IMDB for immediate knowledge. And thank goodness because these websites have resolved many a disagreement (the duck billed platypus is NOT extinct! It's Weekend at Bernies 2! Spiders don't have lungs!) The other day it occurred to me that there are some things that I wonder about that can't be looked up in on any website or in any encyclopedia. For instance, I have an incredible sense of smell (and I should given the size of my nose!) and I remember exactly how my preschool teacher's perfume smelled. Sometimes I will catch a whiff of the mystery scent when I'm out and about and I will pause for a moment and think "Ms. Lucy!" I can never tell exactly where it's coming from so I have never asked a complete stranger what the scent is called. And as much as I would like to be able to Google "Ms. Lucy's perfume circa 1989" I know that it will always remain a mystery to me.
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